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Your Booty Wants This . . .
Today, I’m talking about a highly emotional topic: the agony related to toilet paper scraping against your booty when you go to the bathroom.
I know I may lose most of my readers with this article, but it needs to be addressed! Many people feel the pain and shame of a hurting booty and don’t want to talk about it.
I’ve been there! As a healthy adult, I didn’t have any booty pain until recent years. I thought, “Maybe I should go to the doctor and talk about why my booty hurts.” But then I recoiled in fear thinking about how embarrassed I might feel. I didn’t want to talk to my doctor about my personal health and I’m a healthcare provider!
“There has to be a better way,” I thought. So I did some research and stumbled across a solution that not only helps my booty stay clean and pain free, but helps me remain independent and home for a lifetime: the toilet seat bidet.
Photo of toilet seat bidet by Kohler
Photo by Cadet Bidet by American Standard
Like most Americans, I had never encountered or used a bidet until I went to Europe a couple of years ago. I walked into my Airbnb apartment in Munich and there it was: a bidet sitting right next to the toilet.
It was lower in height than the toilet next to it and sparkling white. My host asked that we avoid using it because there was a crack in the porcelain bowl.
What a missed opportunity! I was hoping to experience the feeling of cleanliness that no toilet paper could provide.
But lo and behold, I came across another form of bidet in an unexpected location: Sapp Bros in southern Missouri.
Photo of toilet seat bidet by Smart Bidet
“What in tarnation?” I thought as I scanned the toilet seat bidet and noted the temperature and pressure controls. In my humble opinion, toilet seat bidets are the best option in the world of bidets because you don’t have to squat as far to use it. I felt so delighted that the toilet seat bidet was in such a sparsely populated area for travelers to feel that shower fresh clean!
I tip my hat to you, Sapp Bros!
Toilet paper alone cannot clean your booty as well as water. Think about it: when you get mud on your skin, do you feel cleaner washing it off or wiping it off with toilet paper?
Compared to other methods, plain water is amazingly effective at cleaning your booty! For instance, the chemicals in wet wipes irritate the delicate booty skin and cause breakdown if used for a long period of time.
No one wants a broken down butt!
I also love that the toilet seat bidet combines the toilet, which you already have at home, with the function of a bidet! You don’t have to take up bathroom space installing a bidet at home. Instead you get the benefits of a toilet and bidet together!
Using a toilet seat bidet limits the amount of twisting in your back and pain in your shoulders and hips you would normally feel with traditional toilet paper. A toilet seat bidet would actually help you use less toilet paper (or no toilet paper at all)! Saving money by purchasing less toilet paper makes me want to moon walk with excitement!
Installing toilet seat bidets is very easy! They are all a little different depending on the manufacturer, but essentially you remove your toilet seat, bolt down the bidet attachment, and place the toilet seat back on the stool! There are non electric and electric toilet seat bidet options. The non electric bidets only need to hook up to the same water you use for the toilet while the electric option would need a GFCI outlet next to the toilet to work. Both types of toilet seat bidet allow you to adjust the nozzle where you need it most on your bum and alter the water pressure. If your toilet is close to the bathroom sink, some models can attach to hot and cold water which lets you change the water temperature on the bidet.
If you want to get a little fancy, many electric toilet seat bidets have an air dryer function. This allows you to blow gentle warm air on your booty to dry it off before you go on to the next part of your day! How fabulous!
Photo of toilet seat bidet controls by Tushy
When shopping for a toilet seat bidet, expect to pay $70 or more depending on the brand. Look closely at the toilet seat bidet controls to determine if they’re going to work well for you! Do you think the controls will be hard to read or adjust? Some bidets come with remotes just like your TV, which makes it easier to select the options you want instead of craning your neck to the side of the toilet to read the fine print on mounted controls. Learning curves can be hard!
Lastly, if you or a loved one need a taller stool to get on and off the toilet, you’re in luck! There are toilet seat bidets that come with stool risers, so you can have the best of both worlds! Toilet seat bidet and stool riser combinations are great for people who have back and hip problems or muscle weakness. This set up allows people to stay independent with going to the bathroom and cleaning the booty. I can’t tell you how many people I know cry with joy and relief at the ability to retain privacy in the bathroom!
Tell me your thoughts! Did I convert you into a bidet believer? Are you going to push your bum higher on your priority list? In my perspective, toilet seat bidets are relatively affordable. Of course there are more expensive versions, but you can find them for a pretty low cost.
Do you already own some form of bidet and want to share your experience? We want to know what brands you love and which ones don’t work! Share in the comments below if you’re going shopping for a new bidet today!